health and wellbeing, mental health

Stress In Overdrive And My Emotions Erupted

The volcano erupted yesterday. That volcano being me. The past year has been mentally and physically extremely stressful. Chaos with hospital appointments, distressing news and the worst thing of all: trying to cope. Argh!! Get lost with the learn to cope and reduce your stress levels verbatim! Meditation. Grounding. Distraction therapy. CBT and CAT. How is a person supposed to hold it together? How??

I had an appointment with my lovely neurologist, Dr William Stern, who is based at Guy’s and St Thomas’ hospital here in London. There was a clerical error on their part that was resolved because I lost my composure and shouted at them to please not mess me around again with yet another admin error and I refused to leave. Appointment went ahead and well.

My stress levels were now running me towards the finish line. Later at home I was crippled with a terrible panic attack and due to having dilated cardiomyopathy, my husband had to call 999 to come and check me over. They were brilliant and reassuring.  Then later that evening.

Eruption.

I’d been bubbling for so long it all came out. I wailed into my husband’s chest:
No!”
Why me?”
What have I done?”
I’m not a liar, check the echocardiograms in the name of God!!”
Can you believe that I’d been deemed a liar? Oh accusers, I wish I was.


My husband comforted me and left me to rest. A bit later I felt odd and knelt in his wardrobe and constantly wailed “No, not my Bernie” as though he was doomed. It was like I was grieving a projected loss instead of myself. After exhausting myself to the point of being unable to cry, I feel asleep huddled close to my husband.

The eruption settled down and now (the next day) I really have to try and lessen my hyper stress. How do you relax with the intrusive symptoms of multiple torments?

*Turns Playstation and kettle on*

Identify these tears of mine Am I lonely or am I just alive?

© Copyright: Sharon Lawson™

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