I wrote this during a particularly difficult period. It shows how I use videogames to lose myself from invasive thoughts, unstable moods and destructive thinking. Most of which are those false thinking patterns that I find difficult to understand.
I still use gaming platforms as a means to calm myself down and have done so since getting a SEGA Master System for Christmas!
Weather’s clear, birds are singing, temperature pleasant and spring is in the air.
Brain’s fogged up, lips ever cursing, it’s too damn hot and I’d give anything to… die? No, cope.
Sometimes I feel so much I have no idea what is right. Which route do I go? Head off into stormy seas and get tossed overboard and drown? Drown in psychosis and let the irrational come out to play. Sunrise, sunset, which one is more beautiful? I often ponder this thought, such positivity bullshit, and settle for the dead of night.
Borderline… in-between sunrise and sunset.
Night time is the right time to do all you love while the world is hopefully comatose. Coffee in hand and a healthy 6 hours of non stop video games. Pondering my Final Fantasy. I’d play Call Of Duty and hope a rogue dumdum bullet shoots some sense into me.
Playstation abuse is abundant in this abode. Slap the Nintendo, throw the Sony PSP further across the room than the demon possessed ever could and another crack appears on the casing. My casing is cracked but least it can heal.
Inside my mind is a game cartridge of sorts. A huge open world exploration with a character bursting to not be played anymore but accepted and given confidence. Level me up, max out my stats and I promise no dumdum bullets your way.
Digital fantasy helps me cope with the bad days. Feeling the love of Kingdom Hearts, tranquil and safe or as Sonic the Hedgehog having psychosis in the fiendish Metropolis Zone. And yes of course I used the invincibility cheat code from the Sega magazine. Who wouldn’t want to keep their rings and defeat those sabre throwing grasshoppers?
If you suffer from any affliction be it physically or mentally you will do absolutely anything to cope when meds don’t do what they boast and your mind is bewildered. Basket weaving with open mouth breathers, crazy golf (the chosen sport of lunatics?), anything to avoid rocking in the corner of the room making corn dolls out of my hair.
Weather’s clear, birds are singing, the temperature is pleasant and spring is in the air.
Brain now clear of oppression, lips in gentle smile, it’s beautiful outside and I’m blessed to be alive.
© Copyright: Sharon Lawson™