“Nothing is perfect except the imperfection all around us” ~ Unknown
Suggested audio: Letter From The Lost Days from the Silent Hill 3 OST by Akira Yamaoka
Most social media platforms do not permit any form of harassment, cyberbullying, gaslighting and so forth however Twitter is well known to be the most toxic of environments for slander and defamation and the millions of tweets against people from all walks of life both famous and not can be draining. What surprises me is that under both UK and USA Law (other countries not explored) this type of behaviour can easily overstep the mark into the realms of being against the Law. Yet these social media giants have crafted up so many T&Cs and legal loopholes to deem themselves “not liable” and if you push the matter further, costly court orders are required. Names will also be forever connected should legal proceedings be pushed and it’s a connection people often wished to be laid to rest.
Posting quotes, images and random musings on social media platforms can actually damage you if readers take it out of context. Should you succumb to those impulsive moments due to anger, frustration and hysteria etc, both sides of the situation will not always be taken into consideration especially if you have significantly less online influence than the other affected party or parties. And strangely, no one even questions your participation in the melee, perhaps because they simply don’t want to drag themselves down with someone else’s business. They’d then be faced with the full story.
Sadly I broke contact with someone I loved very much (identity protected) after a heated situation. These things happen, it’s an unfortunate fact of life. The standard procedure of mutual blocking everywhere each of our faces popped up was carried out as is advisable under such circumstances. This was almost a year ago and I elected to erase my four years of fun on Twitter in April of 2020 for personal reasons.
It was revealed to me that it was assumed I’d renamed my account the same handle as my Instagram to remain anonymous. That particular account displayed as “suspended” so easily misunderstood. It was funny though, as if I would be so, well, obvious to be anonymous. My decade old experience behind-the-scenes of website administration on Documenting Reality knew that no matter what I’d renamed my handle, Twitter admin could very easily track me within a several mile radius by my static IP address.
I tweeted a provocative quote illustrated by my girl crush Angelina Jolie saying, “What a waste of time you were“. It certainly nudged at several people in my past however it was deleted following realisation it wasn’t the most compassionate move after subsequent insensitive discourse on a public forum.
During the following months, I posted a random quote I found on Pinterest reading: “How do you kill someone without being rude?“, think from a song by Welsh band Marina And The Diamonds. It was on my ‘Ask Anything’ group board and it made me laugh so I thought I’d share it. I read that quotes go down well if you can’t think of something to tweet. But they can be misconstrued, It was. And so, I deleted it also.
Sources informed me I was “admittedly, obsessed” with the person I ceased contact with. I still loved them, that doesn’t fade away overnight. They were cool and we connected on many levels. I thought so but how wrong I was. After things went really haywire, I tried to get back in touch to resolve differences. We both didn’t need serious stress for goodness’ sake! Regardless of who was right or wrong. A private exchange soon ensued and I was delighted. However, the conversation felt off. Much was said and next day I realised there was hellbent intent to make me confess to something I honestly had no recollection of saying. My fragile mental health was mentioned in a statement designed to assure me: “…if it’s going to harm your mental health I won’t…”. That was a threat.
But I won’t became I will. Private business was publicly posted as a “confession”. A stock apology during coercion is NOT a confession. Yet still, no-one contacted me. Anywhere.
Aspects of my borderline personality disorder were triggered so severely I exploded into hysteria, fear and hurt myself. Twice I rang the crisis number for my local mental health services and was urged to call Cybercrime UK via HERE who asked questions and advised I immediately cease contact and call the police. So I did. Two officers visited my home and interviewed myself and my husband who was dragged into the affairs. They looked at the whole conversation transcript and took extensive details and photos then asked if I’d sent money or articles fearing I was being blackmailed. I informed them I sent gifts of a Pandora bracelet, a unidragon soft toy and a very sentimental Winnie the Pooh plush but they were relieved there was no financial blackmail in place. I have a CAD number should further action need to be taken if anything arises on any source.
I was informed that an extraordinary claim regarding the FBI was a scare tactic used to coerce me into a potentially false confession and certainly not true either. As if they’d waste time and money on my behaviour. Of course! Goodness, I am hardly akin to Luka Magnotta, in the mafia or Mexican drug cartel. That bewildered apology I wrote for the USA authorities was sent in good faith in private and hoped it would help us move on. I was gently informed I shouldn’t have done and it will be and was used against me. Too late. The whole incident floored me. I thought we were getting somewhere amicably but obviously not. It was plain cruel and manipulative.
I was so distressed over the months leading up to all the above at the tragic health of the person, I was constantly worried sick and definitely had lost my spark. It was perceived I had changed and “hated everyone” . Well how can you remain upbeat in such a fragile situation? You read about BPD, erratic behaviour and sometimes difficulties interacting with society when under stress for whatever reason. But anyone would in my situation! My mum offered to buy me plane tickets and pay hotel costs to visit them but it curiously wasn’t responded to. I desperately wanted to hold them in my arms. In my feathery chicken bosom.
Substance abuse was even suspected but all I abuse is coffee and videogames! My cheeky username ValiumFreak and jocular references to medications likely triggered the allegation. I was sent to the A&E Department twice for an ECG in short succession with suspected angina and hearing this, it was perceived as faking it to get opiates. All you get is a chest full of sticky pads and a free nipple wax! Thankfully it was vicious sternal pain caused by acute anxiety. How ironic.
The final and most hurtful extraordinary claim I heard was that I am a liar, I am not who I say I am. Okay, so who am I? My place of work as a dental nurse and mortician were questioned which was a crushing hurtful blow as losing my lifetime ambition was one of the most difficult moments in my life which resulted in an attempted suicide. Throwing that to me was disgraceful. They’d seen my mortuary photograph and I am still in contact with the man who trained me. I really lost the plot and contacted the Royal Brompton and Harefield NHS Trust human resources department and obtained details of my start and end dates of employment. That’s how much my sense of self was shafted, a shocking move to someone with BPD and it’s associated difficulties.
Yet still to this day (March 2021 as I edit this), not one person has confronted me personally.
All I can conclude is be very careful with social media.
I thought this up:
I am not perfect, nothing except IMPERFECTION is perfect and online sorrowful yesterdays can be edited for a brighter tomorrow.
© Copyright: Sharon Lawson™