Dancing Through The Dumdums

Rikku from Final Fantasy X. Artwork by 3dbabes on deviantart. Click image for more information.

The somewhat abrupt words below were written over a year ago when I had a particularly difficult period coping with various issues. It shows how I used videogames to lose myself from invasive thoughts and destructive thinking. Most of which is false thinking patterns that I find difficult to understand.

I still use the gaming platform as a means to calm myself down and have done since the SEGA Master System of the early 1990s.
Suggested audio; Real Emotion by Noriko Matsueda and Takahito Eguchi

Weather’s clear, birds are singing, temperature pleasant and spring is in the air.

Brain fogged up, lips ever cursing, it’s too damn hot and I’d give anything to die.

Cut my arm, slash my thigh, a discreet iron burn or pull out the rogue toenail. That toenail, my little lonesome claw that if present on my little finger would gouge out the eyes of the ignorant and damn well blind. Blind to truly see, that is.

Sometimes I feel so much I have no idea what is right. Which route do I go? Head off into stormy seas and get tossed overboard and drown? Drown in psychosis and let the irrational come out to play. Sunrise, sunset, which one is more beautiful. I often ponder this thought, this positivity bullshit, and settle for the dead of night.

Night time is the right time to do all you love while the world is hopefully having comatose. Coffee in hand with a healthy 6 hours of non stop video games. Oh you do not want to know what my Final Fantasy is. I’d play Call Of Duty and hope a rogue dumdum bullet shoots some sense into me.

Playstation abuse is abundant in this humble abode. Slap the Nintendo, throw the Sony PSP further across the room than the demon possessed could until the game inside explodes into view as another crack appears on the casing. My casing is cracked but can heal.

Inside this mind is a game cartridge of sorts. A huge open world exploration with a character bursting to not be played but accepted and given confidence. Level me up, max out my stats and I promise no stray dumdum bullets.

You see, digital fantasy helps me cope with the bad days. In Twilight Town as Roxas, tranquil and safe or as Sonic running off pent up energy in the fiendish Metropolis Zone. And yes of course I used the invincibility cheat code from the Sega magazine. Who wouldn’t want to keep their rings and defeat those sabre throwing grasshoppers?

If you suffer from any affliction be it physically or mentally you will do absolutely anything to cope when meds don’t do what they boast and your mind goes literally mental. Basket weaving with open mouth breathers, crazy golf, the chosen sport of lunatics, anything to avoid rocking in the corner of the room like a Russian bear.

BUT

Weather’s clear, birds are singing, the temperature is pleasant and spring is in the air.

Brain clear of oppression, lips in gentle smile, it’s beautiful outside and I’m blessed to be alive.

© Copyright: Sharon Lawson™

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